There have been some adjustments for the past year whether I liked it or not. It feels like a rut, but at the same time, it doesn’t.
Creative rut. Hibernation. Exhaustion. Restlessness. Overly inspired. Awesomeness. Recovering. It’s been quite the year of ups and downs and that feeling that lingers in-between. I know I say it with every passing year, that I didn’t think I’d be here a year ago…….but that’s pretty much it. Last year, I didn’t think that I’d be where I am now.
I think this year, I’ve sort of found myself wandering more than really knowing where it is exactly that I’m headed towards. There really wasn’t any particular end goal. I started off the year with the same goal – be a better me than I was the year before…
Apparently, the Universe had other plans.
Between falling ill regularly and having my sewing machines break down on me one by one, it seemed as though the Universe was just giving me signs to just CHILL OUT. So I did…eventually. There was a lot of reluctance on my end, but I finally gave in. I guess it really was for the best. Being ill caused me to rest. With rest came built up energy. That energy became the drive to create as soon as I was well enough to.
With a lot of down time comes a lot of time to think and overthink things. I had plenty of time to think more about my art and creating and wondering what the next step was for it. What now? I knew that I wanted to try and branch out even further as an artist. I wanted to push myself more creatively and see what I can do if I put more focus on my creations and photography. So modelling for other photographers sort of took a back seat. It’s still there. It’s just not as prominent as it once was.
If you’ve been following my work, you’ll notice that a lot of the photos that I post of me recently are self-portraits. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in working with others anymore. My time and availability was just unpredictable, as costuming became my priority. I still wanted to create, though. So whenever I had time and was inspired to shoot, I took self-portraits.
Eventually, the desire to photograph others besides myself grows. So it’s always great whenever I have the chance to work with another creative individual. It’s always a learning experience to work with someone else, as trying to get the concept that’s in my head to come to life may or may not be easy to explain. I’m thankful no matter the outcome. It’s always a great chance to grow creatively.
The sewing continues to grow and transform. I’m still working on bringing down my fabric piles, so there’s plenty to work with. The dresses are getting longer and bigger. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but it certainly shows that I’m not restricting my own creativity. Most of them currently don’t have a purpose other than I’ve given them life. I’m looking to change that, as I look to incorporate my designs into concepts for my photography.
I’ve been terrible with my social media this past year. It’s probably been my worst ever. But who wants to see me post a photo of me editing, sitting in front of my sewing machine, or snuggled up in bed because I’m ill over and over again? I don’t. Right now I’m just trying to figure out what I want to do to help keep it more active. Ideally, I’d like to just focus on my site and my Patreon, but Facebook and Instagram continue to linger near. Ah well.
It’s been quite the year even it wasn’t quite as eventful as it could have been. But it’s been a year of growing and learning and just re-evaluating where I am artistically. I’m getting there. Slow and steady.
It’s starting to cool down a bit, so fingers crossed that I’m not plagued with illness as much as I was last year!
– Lee x